Hello, my friends,
I read this article, “Ladies, The Smarter You Are, The More Likely You Are To Be Single,” with some dismay. It’s simultaneously disheartening, since I know it’s true, and a bit defeatist—if intelligent women go into the dating world with the idea that they’ll “never feel bliss” because they’re above average and thus “threatening” to men, then there’s a higher chance of ending up alone after all, as they’re giving off a vibe that says, “I’m never going to get a date.”
The article also points out that, “A beautiful, attractive female isn’t desirable for her mind, and those with strong characters are seen as threatening, masculine and undesirable,” and that intelligent women are viewed as “problematic,” often being “chastised for their intelligence.”
There’s also the faulty logic which suggests “intelligence breeds ambition, which breeds neglect” for the dating life, causing quality men to settle down with more licentious, often less intelligent partners. The idea that this is neglectful suggests these women are somehow at fault for being single—they’ve neglected love the same way one might neglect one’s own health or a young child, resulting in illness and abuse.
This diatribe ends on the very depressing note that “being funny and smart won’t get you dates.” It offers no solutions, no consolations, no success stories, and no alternatives. For someone who appears to be writing to criticize an element of society, the author neglects (there’s that word again) to say that being smart is perfectly acceptable.
I know I’m in the minority when I say this, but I love intelligent women. Vapid people and moronic statements (from anyone of any sex) exasperate me, and I find myself wanting to separate myself from them as quickly as possible. My dating life is fairly limited because I choose not to date and can’t stand casual sex (and again, I realize most men wouldn’t say that), but I would never want to settle with someone who complacently exists to serve me.
Maybe this is because I’m very self-sufficient. I serve myself. I make myself happy. There are no needs, wants, or goals I can’t fulfill of my own accord. At least, not right now. I find my spiritual, non-drinking, abstinent, vegetarian life deeply fulfilling, so someone who wants to please me will ultimately have nothing to do. That’s why I can’t see myself settling with someone who doesn’t use her intelligence to its fullest.
You could ask me why I love intelligent women, and I could give you many answers.
- It goes back to my mother. She, the first woman I ever knew, is very smart, and capable of doing nearly anything with little to no male help. Whether she’s running her surgery center or building a fence, she works well on her own, and I’ve never seen her face a problem she couldn’t figure out.
- I went to school with a lot of people who had average or below-average intelligence—or at least below-average educational levels (some were functionally illiterate)—and many were depressed about their states, wishing to be more capable. After seeing these people suffer, how can I justify someone who deliberately acts stupid?
- I’m a busy guy. I would feel very guilty leaving a partner around the house all day, feeling bored that I’m not there to have my passing whims immediately gratified. An ideal partner for me is one with her own projects, someone who keeps busy and productive, so long as we still enjoy our off hours together.
- I’ve dated some truly unintelligent people, and they bored the hell out of me. They never challenged me, questioned me, or prompted me to learn and grow.
This isn’t saying all intelligent women make ideal partners, or that those with average intelligence aren’t. Some people like less intelligent partners, and that’s fine for them. Some people like acting dumb, and if that’s what makes you happy, who am I to judge? My point is only that some men really do like a woman who is astute, clever, witty, brilliant, and not afraid to show it.
My statements may be in the minority, but I’ve heard a lot of men my age voicing a desire for an intelligent, self-sufficient female partner. The dating pool is changing—as everything these days seems to be—so I assert that the destructive idea that smart women wind up alone is changing.
Besides, even if it’s not, be yourself! Be who you are, and be your fullest. If you act dumb to please someone, it’s not going to take long before you realize the only ‘dumb’ part is your partner’s ego being so fragile. If you’re intelligent and your partner can’t handle that, your partner can’t handle you.
So get on out there and shine, you brilliant people.